With great care, it will eventually heal but there will always be a scar. Working through grief often takes much longer than we may expect. And, in order to move through grief, we must do "grief work."

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was one of the preeminent researchers in the areas of grief and loss, and first identified the five stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It was she who explored the individual human reaction to death and dying, and what happens to man or woman in a society bent on ignoring or avoiding death.

Some researchers have expanded the Kubler-Ross model to include various other stages of grief including physical symptoms of distress, anxiety, guilt, and intense emotional release to name a few. It is very normal to grieve the death of a loved one. Grief is an integral part of the human response to death and loss, and there is no one correct way to grieve.

For many of us, grieving involves going back and forth between these stages, repeating anger for example, or perhaps sliding back into depression, before finally coming to some kind of acceptance of the loss. These stages may occur many times and usually never in any order. Some of us will experience all of them, and some just a few.

During the grieving process, it is important to try and maintain a healthy perspective of life and loss. Seek out and accept support from family members, friends and others. Accept your feelings and they will help you learn about yourself and the meaning of your loss. Involve yourself in meaningful activities to help maintain direction, control and purpose. Express yourself through journaling, art, poetry and music. Find a sympathetic ear - someone who will listen to your story over and over again. Pace yourself, because grieving can be hard work and takes a lot of energy. Stay active, eat healthy, and try to get plenty of rest.

Time alone does not heal grief. The experience of grief is not a choice but a necessary part of living, and it brings to each of us an opportunity to find meaning, strength and balance in life.

Dr. Wayne Dees